Finding Time part 2

     Sometimes a memory will just pop in your head. Recently I had one come to me it was a good memory. It was when I was really young and it was snowing out. My sister and my dad where with me. We were all bundled up in snow wear.

 My dad had made a type of box sled and I was in it. He had a rope on it and was pulling us around the yard. I was getting very cold I asked my dad to hold me. I remember him picking me up and holding me close. I laid my head on his shoulder and I felt so safe and warm. He was laughing and said don't worry little bug I will keep you warm. I knew he would for as long as he could.

It wasn't too much longer after that we moved to Florida, without my dad. That started a long list of times I would be away from him. He did come to visit us in Florida but it wasn't until I was about 8. He then had remarried the wicked witch from part 1 Take time. When I first met her in Florida she seemed really nice.

We all went to the beach and she got a really bad sunburn. All she did was moan and groan about it. They were staying in a motel not far from where we lived. I felt bad for her but for some reason my sister and her didn't get along with her. But it was good to spend time with my dad. Much later is when I realized why my sister and her didn't get along.

Now back to where I left off in part 1. It was in June in Texas and I had come to stay with my dad and step mom for the summer. I had been having problems with my mom in Florida. I was getting used to the heat but not my step mom. She was driving me crazy. I couldn't do anything right according to her.

If something went wrong it was my fault and I made it happen. I didn't get to spend much time with my dad she was jealous of any time I spend with him. So I figured out how to spend time by getting up when he did for work. He always fixed his own breakfast. So I would lay there waiting to hear him move around and then get up really fast and have a glass of juice ready for him.

We would talk but not about my step mom. He didn't know about the way she acted when he wasn't around, but I didn't know what to do about it. He would ask me if I was happy to be there and I would feel bad for him. I would tell him I was happy to be there so I could see him more. I told him I didn't like her much but he said I need to give her a chance to get to know her.

Their daughter was only 2 and just as cute as a bug. I spent a lot of time taking care of her,that was one of my jobs while I was there. She didn't work but stayed around the house doing some stuff but mainly telling me what to do. I had to do laundry hang out cloth diapers. Fold them just the right way or have to start over.

She wasn't letting me go to the pool as much. She figured out what I was doing to spoil her fun. About the GIs flirting with me. I was able to get some of the guys away from her and tell them what she was up to. They spread the word and were just treating me like a little sister. She didn't like that so that ended the pool time. I still went some just not every day like I wanted.

About the only way I could get away from her was to take the trash out and walk the dog. I did finally meet some of the other army kids around the post. There was a few cute guys and they had sisters so I was able to get some of the girls to come over to the house and meet her the witch. And that is just what they thought of her by the time they left. They all knew what she was like. But since she had gotten to meet them she started letting me go out for about 45 minutes in the evening to hang out, but I had to be back by dark.

That didn't last for too long around the end of June I was grounded wasn't able to leave the house.
What had happened was she had let me stay out to hang out and decided to come spy on me to see what we were up to. Really all before this nothing had been going on. I finally got this one guy I liked to talk to me. We were just standing around talking and laughing.

 He leaned in and gave me a peck on the cheek and she just walked up. She started calling me all kinds of names. Said I would be pregnant before I was 16. Grabbed my arm and tried to pull me away. I was so embarrassed I pulled back, but that didn't do anything but make her that much more angry. She grabbed me again and said to get home now you whore. She took off walking really fast, I didn't even get to explain anything.



She slapped me across the face really hard then pushed me away and said you will not speak to him like that. You are to respect your father at all times. From now on you will do as I say and be with me for 24 hrs a day. My dad looked so sad and shook his head and told me I had let him down. He believed everything she had told him. He just turned and walked away.

When he was out of the room she grabbed my arm really hard and said you are just a whore like your mother and I will be damned if you hurt my husband again. She was hurting me and squeezed really tight. She was really strong and I was 12, she was a bully that was for sure and I had just met her head on. I stared back at her and said my mother isn't a whore and you know it, you are the whore. She slapped me hard again but it was worth it.

 The fight was on. She had thought I would whimper and cry but I didn't I stood up to her and she didn't like it. She made me stay awake all that night cleaning the house. I wasn't allowed to to sleep until 6 am. Then when the baby was awake at 9 I had to take care of her. I was miserable but I wouldn't show it. I wanted to tell my dad but she wouldn't even let me see him in the morning. She grounded me for 2 weeks. I would be going home in late August that was a long way away.

 I knew she was going to make sure I was miserable but I was a lot stronger than she thought. I just kinda took it all on the outside and held it in. I had her daughter to distract me and that helped. I asked to call my mom and she said no. I wrote my mom a letter but wasn't able to mail it. She made sure I was around her 24/7. I really was confused at what had happened and why the change in her behavior. I now know she was jealous of me and didn't want me to be happy. She wanted to hurt me to hurt my mom. She hated my mom really a lot.

 I didn't know if they had words or something had happened. All I know is she had decided she was going to take it all out on me. She had my dad convinced that I was a liar and a whore. And unless he let her make me behave and let her discipline me I would do nothing but get into trouble. I started getting angry with my dad but wasn't even able to talk to him about it. She wouldn't let me get up at 6 with him for breakfast any more. I had to get up at 6 but stay in the other room away from him.

I asked her why I had to stay there if she hated me so much she said it was because my dad wanted me to be there so he could be my father. She said he has a new daughter and will get over wanting me there really soon she would make sure of it. I wasn't a dummy I knew I was in trouble but didn't know what to do about it. The only time I would cry is when everyone was asleep. I never wanted her to hear me or know how hurt I was.

It is Saturday

I am sitting here trying to think of what to write. I woke up with a headache so just got on up. I don't have to get ready for work for a while still so I figured I could write on my blog.

But my mind is all messed up. Don't get me wrong I have had some great days off. I just heard some news that upset me. So maybe it is better to just write something. It is always hard to hear of someones bad misfortune. Especially when it is a good guys.

 Lately it seems the wrong people are on the bad end of things. But well maybe it is a chance for change for that person or something better.I know I am being vague but that's OK. This is away of voicing my thoughts.

I still have a lot to get done around here. Just have to make the time for everything I need to do. I managed to complete a few things and got the dog a bath. Cleaned out the refrigerator yuck. Got all my laundry done and put away. So I did get some things accomplished.

 The business with my friend Shay is going ok getting some requests. Just still haven't gotten the logo or the web page completed. It is a bit frustrating to figure all this crap out, but it will be ok. Just have to keep trying. One of my projects is moving along really well so I am glad about that.

I cant believe it is almost Thanksgiving! I really like smoked turkey and Mark already has 2 in the freezer. At least he was thinking ahead. It was just Halloween the other day. Time is really going by quick, so I know I need to get it in gear and get things done.

Talked to my mom in N.C. She said it was supposed to be getting really cold down in the 20's that night. Our Texas weather has been crazy. I will be glad when it gets cold. I love the cold just not the freezing rain and ice we get.

I know I need to work on the rest of my story Take Time. I will try to work on that tonight. I didn't realize it would be difficult to put those things out there. It has been a long time ago but It is still very clear what all happened. It might not be a big deal to anyone else but me. But again this is for me. I believe it will be good therapy for me. We all know I need something!

Time does heal wounds of the heart and the mind so I guess I should be healed??  Missed that boat!!
I think we just learn to live with the hurt and go on. I think that's what makes us better in the long run. And it keeps us moving forward. That is the key to survival, one day at a time.

Ok I am gonna go get some things done, untill later Kimy-Jo

Finding Time - Part I

I'm finally getting back to writing. I've been a little side tracked for a while. I have been advised by my friend Angelia to try to write at least twice a week. I have had a rough start but will continue to try. I work nights, so trying to get in the hang of writing will be tough. I am now bringing my laptop to work and, in between calls, writing a little here and there.

My trip to North Carolina to see my mom was great. My son and I drove there and spent about a week with her. It was a long drive but worth the trip. There were a lot of things to see on the way, and a lot to do once we got there.

I left home when I was young, so I haven't had a whole lot of time to spend with Mom. She comes to Dallas to visit about once a year. When my children were young we would drive to Florida for our vacations. It was always, "When are we going to see grandma in Florida?" She had a pool and they loved that. So did I. Over the years I wasn't able to drive down as much as I wanted to.

Then she moved to North Carolina to a beautiful house up in the mountains. She has been there about 14 years and loves it. She does all the yard work herself. During our visit we took a walk up the mountain. I couldn't keep up with her. She once walked 3 miles everyday for a year. I struggle to walk a mile in a year. She is a wonderful mom and I love her a lot.

I was her problem child. I caused a lot of trouble at a young age. So, I ended up flying back and forth from Florida to Dallas, Texas. In Texas was my dad and the step-mom. I mean to tell you, she was the typical step-mom from hell. I will go into more details later. I always wondered why every time my mom took me to the airport she wouldn't take off her sun glasses. As an adult I now know why. She didn't want me to see her cry.

Although in hind-sight, I wish she had let me see her pain. Maybe that would have shaken me up and gotten it through my thick head that she did really love me. I was a very confused young girl. I was insecure and scared. I was miserable and didn't know why. A boy-friend talked me into running away to Coral Gables Florida. It wasn't that far from home, but I went with him. I was so gullible that I went right along with it. I was only 12-years-old, and I was gone 3 days. Somehow, Mom tracked me down. She asked me what I was doing, leaving like that. I wasn't able to explain to her any of the things that had been going on for years. I just felt guilty and afraid. She thought about it, and asked if would be happier living with my dad. I thought perhaps I would, so I said said yes.


It was summer, hot, and school was out. Next thing I knew I was being taken to the airport with a small suitcase in hand. I don't remember even seeing my sister and brothers before I left. I had never flown and was flying alone. Mom hugged me but wouldn't say much. She kept her sunglasses on the whole time 'till I got on the plane. I was a little excited but didn't really want to go. What I wanted was for her to make me tell her what was wrong and to fix it. That was what needed to happen.


I arrived in Dallas at the Love field airport and met my dad and step-mom at the gate. My dad hugged me big, smiled and said he was glad I came. I was so nervous. He handed me a small white bear with a red ribbon on it and said, "Welcome home."


My step-mom acted sweet as pie and took me in right away. It was a long drive to get home. Daddy was still in the Army, he was stationed in Mineral Wells. We went to the Post Exchange and got me a few things. Then, they showed me where I would be staying. I remember the hard wood floors and the way the house looked like an apartment. It was a duplex with another Army family next door. My room was comfortable. I laid on the bed for awhile, just listening to the sounds outside. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew it was dark and my dad was knocking on the door saying it was time to eat.


Next day we went to the Post Exchange for shopping. My step mom had one daughter with my dad at this time. I fell in love with her right away. She was so cute and lovable. It wasn't too long before I realized why my step -om was so glad I was there. She suddenly had a very cheap baby sitter-and-maid combination. It didn't matter much. I was shy and didn't make friends right away. I stayed to myself a lot and didn't mind staying in the house because it was very hot during the Texas summer. Florida was hot but I'd had a pool and the beach nearby to cool off. Here they had a pool, but I was nervous about being around all the new people.


At the store, my step-mother had let me pick out a swim suit. It was a two-piece with a jacket cover up. My dad said it wasn't covering me enough but she said it was the only one she could find. It made me look like I was 18. So of course, the GI's were checking me out when I went to the pool wearing it. She got a kick out of letting them flirt with me and then telling them my age. She was weird like that. I was embarrassed, but developed a liking for the attention it got me. That was the beginning of a long hot summer in Texas.


Kimy-Jo

All my Heart

All I want is to be loved for me,

All I want is to be believed in again,

All I want is to be able to love anew,

All I want is for you to want me, just me.

All I need is to be caressed so softly,

All I need is to be Cherished utmost,

All I need is to believed anew,

All I need is to be with you.

All I have are lonely tears,

All I have is my heart so sad,

All I have are my dreams gone by,

All I have is the want for you,

All I have left is to dream of you.

Don't Kick the Bear!

 I guess when you are married for as long as my friend Shay and her hubby have been married, there comes a time to just chill out. This is the premise of this story. Learning to chill out is a labor of love. It is a true act of courage and patience, especially when the Bear is a pain in the rump.

Shay must have the patience of Job.She has neither left the crazy man, nor killed him. Much to my surprise! She has an immense amount of patience.Hey, she puts up with me as her friend!In the very least, the Bear has a way of getting under her skin, but, she has finally figured out a way to handle him.

Anytime she puts something she’s prepared for later in the refrigerator, she makes a big deal out of putting a curse on anyone who overindulges in it, leaving nothing for her.The curse of the cook is total theatrics of course.But, he doesn’t know that.And, it seems to be the only way to ensure there will be any left for her when she’s ready to eat it.

Once he called her bluff and ate an entire Key Lime pie.Yes!The whole pie! He paid the price with the onset of a stomach ache, which of course, he perceived to be the result of the cook’s curse.Now all she has to do is advise him of the eminent danger and possibilities of peril should he activate the curse.The threat works.He’s far more inclined to share the food these days. She is a genius!

On occasion, he does manage to test and press her patience and in those moments, she’s inclined to kick the Bear.However, she’s blessed with a wonderful son who reminds her of the consequences of the occasional bear-kicking.He’ll remark, “Mom, don’t kick the bear today.This will pass and there’ll be another opportunity to kick him later on.”He’s obviously a son who prefers to keep the peace, which has proven to be a blessing.She heeds his good advice, counts to 100 and then finds something else to do.She’s not lacking in other things to do because the list is already huge, ever growing, and she has many different things needing done to choose from.

Shay and I are business partners. Our attempt is to make money doing things we love to do; such as crocheting, looming, sewing, designing home decor and more. Our new site is Gifts we make 4 U.Come visit us at giftswemake4u.com.We would love to hear from you.

It started at work.While we were making gifts for family we began to draw interest from colleagues.Before you know it we were taking orders regularly.Completing the orders makes the time during our shifts go by very fast, especially since we work at night when the work we do is much less busy.

We generally have a very quick turn around time except for large projects.But, even with the larger ones, we manage to complete and present the final product without much delay.Most orders take us about one week or less to complete.We have baby blanket gift sets, adult size throws, knitted hats, baby booties and a lot more!

I look at it as a new adventure. I find working on the orders to be very calming, so that’s an added bonus for me!

I married at a very young age, 18.I have raised three boys and one husband.When my first marriage ended, I was crazy enough to say, “I do” again.But, the last marriage bit the dust as well, so now I’m done!

I have served my time as an indentured servant, and now I’m on my own.I love it!I am learning to be my own best friend, and to be responsible for my own happiness.My two grandsons, P.J. and Devan, are my heart now.I love them sooo much! But, that doesn’t mean I love my sons any less.I’m just glad they’re grown and on their own.

Don't get me wrong.Marriage is a wonderful thing for the right people. At this time in my life I finally happy with the way things are for me.It has been a long time coming and I think I deserve it. I am a work in progress and I am loving the journey!

See you later on,

Kimyjo.

It's Wednesday

  Finally!  My night off is here!  I work four shifts each week, ten hours per shift, and have three days off.  Really, I like it a lot, it's just not easy to date because my off days/nights are on most other people's "week days."  Yet another good reason to start making myself do new and different things, like keeping this journal.

I started so I could get adjusted to being more out going and social. I got off at 6:30 this morning, and haven't gone to bed yet.  There's too much to do, or so I think.  And, I'm still catching up from my trip to Waynesville North Carolina.  My son and I drove there from Texas. It was a very good trip with no problems along the way.


Got to my moms and we spent a week with her. She lives up on the mountain. I had a hard time keeping up with her on our walks higher up from where she lives. She has lived there 15 years and not been able to see any bears. Our 3rd day there we saw a momma black bear and three cubs. They were in her backyard,  just on other side of the deck.  I tried to snap pictures through the window but they didn't turn out very good.


While we were there we went to Grandfather Mountain.  We crossed a swinging bridge that's a mile high in the air.  It was a little scary, but the scenery was beautiful!  We also went to Chimmy Rock, and then we were ready to head out on our fifteen hour drive home.

We made it home safely, and since I've been back, I've been playing catch up.  Whew!  Now I need a vacation from my vacation!  But, it was fun.  We saw a lot and had a really good time.

New things are happening.   My friend Shay and I love to crochet, use looms and sew women's and children's clothes.  I have made afghans, baby blankets, booties and hat sets.  Shay does a lot of the same things. We stay really busy just making baby gifts and blankets for other people at work. I just take orders and so does Shay. So, we got the notion to start our own business.

We are really excited to finally be starting this up, and we'll be sure to announce when we get everything up and running on our website and begin taking outside orders!

Well, guess I'd better head to bed.  Will continue my online journey soon!

See ya later!

Kimy-jo

It's Friday

  OK, I have decided to go ahead a start a blog ( the name sounds funny) ! I have been getting my encouragement from my new friend Angelia from work. I just met her a couple months ago but it feels like I have known her for a long time. She has so much going on and is so fun it is contagious.

She loves to mountain bike ride so guess what I did? Went and bought a Schwinn mountain bike. And went riding with her , Jacob and my son Mark. We had a blast her site is trailchallenges.blogspot.com. She did get  some good pictures and of course for my fist time out I had a collision with a tree root. No major hurts only bumps and bruises.  I do plan on going back to the trail with her. 

So back to the blog, I do have a lot I want to share with whoever might listen so this will be my attempt to break out of my little closed up world.

Don't laugh at my vain attempts at humor or crazy stories but well I mean it's OK to laugh and read my stories just give me an E for effort! I will get started sharing later on. Have to go get some stuff done.

 Talk at ya later!

Kimy-jo